I stopped praying big prayers. I did not want to pay the price because when you pray big prayers, God delivers big…and big comes at a cost. After 2017, I decided I would settle for good enough because I could not afford big.
In 2017, God removed things that meant the world to me – people that meant the world to me. In 2017, God walked me through so that I could get out. I prayed a lifetime of big prayers in less than 365 days.
While God per usual overdelivered on His promises, I was not prepared for the casualties. I was not ready for the war wounds. I did not understand the true meaning of cleaning house, and He definitely cleaned the house.
He cleaned corners and closets. He left skeletons to rot in the curb until the trash men could dispose of them properly. He ushered out people who were not meant to be a part of my future. He personally tore down infested areas that did me more harm than good. He pulled the weeds. He drove the loads away for proper disposal.
I loved those people and areas. I thought the weeds made for pretty backdrops, and He got rid of all of it. So I gave up big prayers.
I did not notice I had made the shift at first. I felt like I was still available. I felt like I was still ready to slay giants – tired but ready. Then one day, something woke me up in the middle of the night. I prayed in that moment about any and every thought that came to my mind. I woke up the next day, and I began to list all of the requests that came to my mind the night before. As I was wrapping up, I began to petition for big breakthroughs, for major blessings, and happily ever after. Yet, I tagged a stipulation on the end. I told Him not to do it if the breakthroughs and blessings would cost too much. I reminded God that I did not have the capacity for another 2017.
I intentionally put a limit on what God could do. I downsized my prayer in one simple statement, and I beat myself up over it for days.
I read all these devotions, books, and blogs. I repeated scripture. I researched scripture, and I still could not bring myself to change my prayer.
The limits were still there. Those were still my true thoughts. All the scriptures in the world did not flush out the fear. I became discouraged, and I did not want to talk about it here or anywhere else.
It was right there that God met me – in the middle of my fear and discouragement, in the middle of my unchanged prayer.
He whispered, “It’s ok Brittany.”
I looked up in disbelief. I thought, “how in the world could my half-hearted prayer be ok?”
He answered my unasked question, “Life does not always require big prayers accompanied by big faith.”
He let me think for a moment.
Then He continued, “Life also allows for big prayers accompanied by small faith.”
Then He smiled.
I thought of my Facebook post stolen from my best friend’s brother-in-law on Instagram.
I thought of my favorite verse.
“”Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew17:20
It was my turn to smile.
For anyone who feels doubt and discouragement,
For anyone at capacity,
For anyone who has ever put a stipulation on a prayer,
Remember that a prayer is simply an exercise of faith the size of a mustard seed. God is bigger than your doubts and discouragement. God can certainly manipulate past your stipulations.
Big faith is not necessary for big prayers. Mustard seed faith, ordinary faith, or even less than ordinary faith can get the job done. Wherever you are, God will meet you there.
I gave out this free faith the size of a mustard seed printable a while back, but it fit today’s thoughts so I figured I would bring it back for anyone looking for a little home decor reminder.
What are some ways that you battle through doubt and discouragement?
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