Finding New Friends When You’re All Grown Up

“Bless the thing that broke you down and cracked you open because the world needs you open.” ~ Rebecca Campbell

Bless the thing that broke you down and cracked you open because the world needs you open. ~ Rebecca Campbell. #newfriendships #friendship #findingfriends #findingnewfriends #community #christianity #inspiration #motivation #motherhood

I did not want new friends.  I was happily closed.  I had the friends I needed.  I had my husband, my sister, and my two best friends.  I was busy raising my children, teaching my students and coaching my athletes.  I had my blogging community and my Instagram community.  I was done making friends.  Period.

When I met new people, I had zero concern with whether they liked me or not.  If they loved me – great.  If they hated me, who cared?  I did not need new friends.  My preference was to stay home anyway so I needed no one to attend the latest events with me.  Should I happen to want to go somewhere, my husband could come with me.  If not, I was perfectly content going alone.  Why on earth would I need to invite new people into my personal space?  I was fine then.  I am fine now.  Change was unnecessary…

…until God asked me to open up.   You can imagine my utter disgust at the suggestion.  I ignored it for quite some time.  Yet, the subject kept coming up over and over.  It refused to be ignored.  I remember actually starting and finishing a blog post about learning to be open for a little boy who came to live with me.  He really needed me to be open.

The next day after writing the post, before I could even hit publish, his mom swooped back in and took him, and that was the end of that.

When he returned, I opened my heart to him only because he lost his mom, and he could really use a mom.  I decided to be open just for him.  I made just enough space for that little boy to make his way in.  Then I slammed the door shut.  I was at capacity.

Recently, I have felt that same nudge that it is time to open the door again.  It is time for me to find new friends – not because I do not love the ride or die girls who have been in my life and will be in my life til death do us part but because my purpose is bigger than my three real friends.  People need friends.  People need community.  I need friends.  I need community.  I do not need work friends, and Facebook friends, and Instagram friends and then a separate category for real friends.  I need two categories – friends and not friends.  Black and white.  You are in or you are out.

I have been so busy over the past few years learning to be a mom, learning to be a wife, and learning to be a blogger.  I have decluttered all the layers to uncover who I truly am.  But who I am is different.  I do not fit in anywhere.  I do not have this niche of people who really get me and vibe with me.  I am not really a part of any group.  Most times, I am on the outside looking in, but that was always okay because my friends get me.  They really get me, and they accept me.  That was all I needed.  Until one day, that was not enough.  Until one day, I decided that I needed to grow my circle…or maybe Someone decided for me.

So here I am all grown up trying to find new friends.  How do you even do that?  How do you find new friends without school and sports?  How do you find new friends that are not the neighbors who lived down the street from you for the past 20 years?

1.  Find someone else who needs a new friend

Someone else needs a new friend.  Someone else is trying to find a new friend.  Someone needs a person to sit next to at lunch.  Someone searches a room filled with people for a friendly face.  Someone else wants to do brunch.  Someone wants to go to a festival or an event in the city on a Thursday afternoon. 

She enjoys her favorite cold beverage by the pool after work or on weekends.  She does not have a sitter and needs someone to eat beignets with her at the park while she watches the kids play.  Your new friend will need someone to call when her sister is overseas on her commute home from work.  She needs a shoulder to lean on and a partner in crime to laugh at all the memes you send to her phone and her inbox.  Her parents do not live here.  Her sisters do not live here.  Her best friends do not live here.  She could use a friend just like you.

2.  Find someone who needs your different

When you find your new friend, she will feel like she does not fit in anywhere just like you do. She will feel like she is not enough of whatever the specific group she is a part of needs.  Sometimes she will overcompensate with perfectionist tendencies to feel like she belongs and is worthy just like you do.  She will need someone else who is different just like she is.  She will need your hair stories and your kid stories. She will need to know that sometimes you are also hanging onto your faith by a small prayer because you do not always have the heart for big prayers.  Someone needs to know that you need her different.  Her different perfectly complements your different.

3.  Stay open

You will want to close the door.  You will want to hibernate in a corner, especially if you find a really good new friend.  You will want to hide the demons you have battled for years.  You will want to cover up your scars.  You will want to hide that you are completely broken.  Your new friend needs your broken.  She needs to see your battles, your scars and your broken.

…And you need her.  You need a community.  Your purpose is directly tied to some of your new friends.  You cannot move forward if you only embrace the old.  The old is great.  The old makes you who you are.  Your old friends are instrumental in your past, your present, and your future, but you also need new.  You have changed, but you did not bother accept the new people that change brought you.

Maybe you were scared of being rejected.  Maybe you were afraid of being hurt.  Maybe I am afraid of being rejected.  Maybe I am afraid of being hurt.

Just know, that forward movement cannot happen without growth, and growth cannot happen with a circle of people new and old with your best interest in mind.  You need them…and they need you.


What are some ways that you find new friends now that you are all grown up?

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t is time for me to find new friends - not because I do not love the ride or die girls who have been in my life and will be in my life til death do us part but because my purpose is bigger than my three real friends.  People need friends.  People need community. | ordinarilyextraordinarymom #findingnewfriends #findnewfriends #friendship #motherhood #momlife #purpose #inspiration #motivation

43 thoughts on “Finding New Friends When You’re All Grown Up

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  1. Love this! What an encouraging and practical post!😄 Melanie

    On Wed, May 8, 2019 at 5:18 AM ordinarilyextraordinarymom wrote:

    > ordinarilyextraordinarymom posted: “”Bless the thing that broke you down > and cracked you open because the world needs you open.” ~ Rebecca Campbell > I did not want new friends. I was happily closed. I had the friends I > needed. I had my husband, my sister, and my two bes” >

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It is so easy to close that door because life already can seem overwhelming at times. However, you are right. We have to allow friendship and love to find its way in. That reminds me of a time in my life right before I met my husband. There was that Kay Jewelers commercial that said “Keep your heart open and love will always find a way in” (I’m paraphrasing). I kept that saying with me and not soon after I met my husband. But, I think that also applies to finding friends. Great post!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. “I need two categories – friends and not friends.” This is what God’s been teaching me, too. We have a narrow idea of what friendship is, I think. We miss out on meaningful connections because we put people in a box and have specific expectations of what a friendship is supposed to look like. Not all my friendships are the same, and that’s a very, very good thing. It’s important to appreciate that. Thanks for sharing your heart so openly!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I don’t really worry about finding friends. One reason is I have plenty. Another is because I now focus on just being me and those who get me and wanna be around tend to show up and do that. And if they keep doing it over and over, then we call ourselves friends lol

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think I am the same way in a sense but I almost pushed people out. I was so comfortable having enough friends that I didn’t make time to do anything with anyone new. You’re right. It’s basically he process of hanging out over and over again.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. great post and definitely something I needed to be reminded of again 🙂 The Lord knows my favorite saying, ‘aint nobody gat time for dis’. I think I lived by that slogan until a few years ago and I still need the reminder because its easy to forget God’s standard

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I love this SO MUCH (and I love that you and I are friends!!!!!). I used to feel exactly the same way: no more. At capacity. And then God began to nudge. 🙂 Thank you for your wisdom, encouragement and light, my sister!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Everyone tells me I have too many friends, but I don’t think that’s the case. I’m always meeting new people and just like that, we become connected to one another.

    I believe people come into your life for different reasons…to help you grow, to make you stronger and bring joy into your life.

    How can you accept what God has for you, if you have a closed mind to opening up to others. That very stranger you met at Starbucks and sparked a conversation with…just may become your business partner, your life coach, your Sister, your traveling buddy! You just never know!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I so relate to not wanting more people in my/your life! I am happy the way my life is, and it is full. I am focusing more on improving the relationships that I already have. I think we are just in different phases of the relationship cycle.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I made new friends on a moms group on facebook! Out of the 3 friends I made, 2 were crazy and 1 of them was a keeper.
    But when you said you feel like you don’t fit in anywhere, I can totally relate! I feel the exact same way!😩 And It’s so difficult to find friends when you’re a stay at home mom!
    Anywho, great post! This was an on time message for me because I definitely need to open up.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. OMG!!!! This post is so about me. I have lived in Monroe 13-years and I have yet to find “THAT FRIEND.” I know a lot of people here, and I talk to a lot of people. But I don’t have that go to the concert/out to eat/to the movies/over her house or she come to my house/talk on the phone kinda friend. And, I really don’t know where to find her???

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes. I thought you and Angela were super close for a while, but then she kind of disappeared. I am praying for you to find the yin to your yang. Just know in the meantime that you already may have met her and you may just have to start inviting some of the people who you already know to the movies, out to eat, etc. to create that friendship. I know I have not found “her” because I felt like everyone already had someone and I did not – especially in Monroe so I just started asking the people I like the most to do things. 😂😂


  11. Ok so did you write this just for me? I needed to read this!! Thank you for this blogpost. I always feel like I don’t fit in and that I really dont need “new” friends, but up until recently I realized this was all wrong and this post has putbit all into perspective.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know exactly how you feel. I’ve spent the past week or so with my “open” mentality. It’s so different. You see the world so much differently when you’re looking for who is the next person you are going to allow into your personal space.


  12. “But who I am is different. I do not fit in anywhere. I do not have this niche of people who really get me and vibe with me. I am not really a part of any group“. This is me and this is why I don’t seem to have any real friends left. Your suggestions to find new friends as an adult are great but I sadly feel tired of trying after so many friends didn’t seem to want to be real friends – only pretend ones when they needed something.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can only imagine. I will tell you this. God will cut out all of the fake people first. You are going somewhere in life, and they cannot come. There was a period in my life where I felt very alone, and it was just God and me hanging out. It is probably the reason, now that you say mention it, why I am reluctant to meet and open myself to new friends. There was a point in time I didn’t like any of the people that surrounded me on a day to day basis so I started functioning without anyone. My sister/best friend was miles and miles away. The girls I met in that time period are the girls who are currently my best friends. With cell phones and social media, I never felt the urge to find new friends after that. I did not really have hope in people. That has been 20 years. And God has told me that enough is enough. It is about time I started letting people in again.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I’m recently learning to open up myself to a world of new friends. Just like you, I closed up my heart to letting new people in because I felt I couldn’t handle more. But recently, it’s been changing for me. I feel like I have some things to do, and I need a different category of people who would help make it work. So, last Saturday, I took a step of faith by attending an event where my world was open to a fresh idea and new people. Great post.

    Liked by 2 people

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