Be Careful…Your Scars are Showing

My scars are showing.  I want to write.  I want to share.  I want to tell my story, but every time I open my mouth, my scars start to show…so I change my mind.

Scars are ugly.  Scars are proof that you did not heal correctly.  Scars show where I fought a battle and lost so I refuse to talk because I am afraid of what my scars may look like to everyone else.

I work in a field where I cannot express how I really feel.  I perfect the art of disguising my true emotions.  Thus, when it comes down to embracing my true feelings, I resort to laughter and sarcasm.  I hide behind my normal lines of self-defense until I cannot hide anymore because, in the midst of my healing, my scars begin to show.  They serve as permanent reminders of points in time I have no desire to remember.

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One of my favorite bloggers/business owners sent me a shirt.  And I love it.  It is the perfect shade of one of my favorite colors.  It highlights one of my favorite hashtags (#blessed).  The shirt is all that I need it to be, but the timing…

Blessings come in so many forms and fashions. Sometimes blessings even disguise themselves as hurt, but even hurt can heal. The scars that remain allow healing for others.

I want to talk about living my blessed life, with my blessed children, and my blessed husband, and my blessed blog, and my blessed classroom…but every time I open my mouth, my scars start screaming!!  So I pray, but the scars will not shut up so eventually, I allow them to say their piece….

…because I have been told for the first time in my life, that I am entitled to my feelings.

I feel them all….from the fiercest anger to the deepest love to hopelessness and hurt.  I try to snap out of it, but I cannot step out of my feelings…

…I pray.  God lets me feel all of it.  He blocks all of my regular exits, “You will sit here, and you will deal with this.”

…I sit, but I am not sure how much I deal with anything.  The doctor’s words ring over and over in my ears, “Perhaps 2018 will be a better year.”  All I can think is that I am #blessed, and I am living #thelife.  I will be fine.  Just let me pull myself together.  I will be fine.  Yet, day after day, as I process my feelings, I slowly realize that fine is NOT the word.  I am human, and I am wounded, and I KNOW I am not healing properly…reinforced by the scars now blatantly evident.

God offers no help as He continues to tell me to FEEL the feelings I have zero desire to process.  Pain and rage and deep-seeded hatred…and love and light and joy.  Imagine feeling them all within minutes or hours or days.  When I am sick of feeling,  I feel them MORE.  As soon as I think I am making progress, I look down, and there they are…big, ugly scares not to be ignored.

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Then I begin to hear the same story over and over about the men with 10 gifts and 5 gifts and 1 gift.  I hear the message loud and clear.  I know exactly what I need to do.  I need to start talking.  I need to share.  I need to touch the lives of those around me because that is my gift.  I know how to cope, and I know how to help others cope, but they cannot hear my voice if I do not open my mouth.

I speak hope.  I speak love.  I speak life.  I am blessed, and when I began to touch the lives of those around me, those lives become blessed also.  These scars show people that I have a story.  Some people do not need to hear about my blessed life, and my blessed husband, and my blessed children, and my blessed blog, and my blessed classroom.  Some people need to hear about my scars.  The scars are not separate from my #blessed #thelife.  The scars are absolutely essential to my survival and the survival of those around me.

The scars play an integral role in my #blessed.

These scars are a part of my blessed.  These scars are a part of my gift.  These scares highlight that I am blessed, and that is my blessing.  These scars remind me that I am blessed TO BE a blessing.

Blessed to be a Blessing

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To check out this amazing line for yourself, please head over to this Tona’s site Called to Edify Boutique.  The shirt is super high quality, and definitely worth The store currently has great sweatshirts for the holiday season, as well as TONS of other cute stuff to wear year round.*

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What are some ways that you are a blessing to others?

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*I received this shirt complimentary in exchange for a review with honest opinion.  All thoughts and opinions expressed herein are my own and not influenced by the developing company, and/or its affiliates in any way.

 

14 thoughts on “Be Careful…Your Scars are Showing

  1. Thank you for sharing about your scars so courageously. I once heard a pastor say that he wouldn’t trust a person without a limp, meaning if they had no scars, no evidence that they had been through anything, he wasn’t going to listen to their stories of victory. Your scars might not be beautiful right now to you, but I wholly believe they will be beautiful to you one day as you continue to see the healing and redeeming power of God in your life.

    Please keep sharing honestly — your story and your words are important and you have a message that others need to receive.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You explained this shirt perfectly! Blessed to me means that you are flourishing spiritually. I believe the only way we can flourish is through pain and suffering and being able to talk to people about our journey. It’s hard because the enemy wants us to be silent and not tell others how the Lord is working through them to fulfill the plans and purposes for their lives. So thanks for being transparent and being willing to collaborate with me to get the word out about Called to Edify Boutique. Keep on writing even when its hard.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Does this ring a bell?
    “But if I say, “I will not remember Him Or speak anymore in His name,” Then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire Shut up in my bones; And I am weary of holding it in, And I cannot endure it.” Jeremiah 20:9 NASB
    Yes, it’s hard to share our scars, but I think Sarah J. Callen’s pastor is right on. If people look at us and see our joy without knowing our trials and sorrows, they are likely to think that we are irrelevant to their lives.

    Liked by 1 person

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