I did not even know I was angry. The subject of forgiveness came up over and over again, and I ran through the lists of people who had offended me throughout my life. The easiest recalls were old boyfriends, their new girlfriends/wives whose relationship(s) coincided with ours, backstabbing roommates, and cheating coaches. Yet, as I brought up individual names in my mind, each name was easily dismissed. I was not angry at them anymore. I was over it now, and I had been over it for quite some time.
Yet, forgiveness kept coming up until finally I realized I was angry at myself. I was angry that I had not yet figured out how to budget the money properly and angry I did not yet make enough to enjoy the life I wanted to live. I was mad I had let myself gain 15 pounds and now had a miniature gut for my tall, slim frame. I was upset that balance was still nowhere in sight. It was the kids, the blog, my husband, or social media. I still could not manage equals parts to all, and most times I made the wrong choice as a priority. I was angry I was still making the wrong choices.
I took out my anger on the ones I loved not because they had done anything but because I was mad at myself. Then I got upset for taking it out on them, and inside I harbored bitterness.
Life had dealt one too many blows, and I had not recovered. I was mad at myself for not recovering because life is life. It goes on, and there was no time for me to be upset about it. Then here came this young lady who spoke to my soul.
Of course, I proceeded to be mad at myself for not loving myself, and it was there I recognized that I had to forgive myself. If I had learned nothing else on my path to purpose, the statement that stuck with me the most was “Give yourself grace.”
As I embark on this new journey to self-love, I challenge you to do the same – give yourself grace…please join me this week with Cameron over at theafroclub.org as she also gives us a much needed word on how to treat yourself and what self-love really looks like…
Check out some other pieces on self-love and self-care.
What are some things you discovered on your journey to self-love?
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