Love Yourself as Much as You Love Your Hair

Love yourself as much as you love your hair.

“Love Yourself as much as you love your hair” (Source)

I am not a huge fan of my hair. I mean, I have some days when I walk outside, and I think to myself, “Well don’t I look good!” But this natural hair to curly hair journey has been a struggle for me.

I appreciated said struggle for the first time while waiting for my son to get his haircut at a salon last week. For a close to an hour, I watched as the ladies who arrived before me got relaxers, flat irons and fresh pixie cuts. At that moment, I did not miss it. I did not miss the straight hair process, the salon visits, the hours of my life to get my hair bone straight, the morning flat iron adventures.

Up until that point, however, I thought I did. I thought I envied the asymmetrical bobs and the straight weaves where I could actually leave my hair out without the worry of an “invisible” part. The salon smells brought me back almost immediately, and the thrill was long, long gone.

But even with that thought, I am still not a huge fan of my hair – not yet. I cannot love myself the way I love my hair yet because at times I still wish for her hair…or maybe hers…

At times, I look in the mirror, and I am not a huge fan of the reflection without faux locs, feed-ins, or perfectly stretched twist outs. I am still learning.

Natural hair is not always as simple as a big chop and a wash in go. Natural hair care is a journey to self-love, self-care, and self acceptance.

I get the whole self-love, self-care, self-acceptance angle. I am not here for a bunch of comments to tell me how beautiful I am. I am here because someone else needs to know that sometimes self-love, self-care, and self-acceptance are a work in progress.

Just. Like. Everything. Else.

It’s okay that you don’t wake up the day after your big chop and wonder why you waited so long.

I waited because I liked the girl before. I liked my long curly weaves. I was okay with my hair process. I understood it, and it understood me. So while I did the big chop for my daughter, the girl that stares at me in the mirror every day is still getting used to this new process, these new curls, and the way these new curls form a new frame around the same face.

I have less than zero desire to go back to the old, indicated by my recent salon experience, but I do not love my hair the way I should … yet.

I do love these shoulder length faux locs. I loved my feed in fulani braids before that and my goddess locs before that. I love the look of my stretched twist outs and sometimes even my non-stretched fro.

My natural hair is in the process of redefining me, and I am here for all of it.

But I cannot currently love, care for, and accept my life the way I do my hair, without doing my life a complete disservice.  As such, I will do the opposite.  I will begin to give my hair the love and acceptance that I give my life.

I will continue to smile at and motivate the girl in the mirror. I will compliment her curls.  She is beautiful.  I know she is.  I see her.  I love her.

Each day, I love her more and more.

My goal is to say the statement both ways. I love my hair as much as I love myself, and I love myself as much as I love my hair.


What are some of your self-love, self-care, self-acceptance goals?

Comment below or connect with me: Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Snapchat: mrsbonnaffons.

Leave your email so that I can send natural hair care strategies straight to your inbox.

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Love yourself as much as you love your hair. | ordinarilyextraordinarymom | Natural Hair
Counting My Blessings

Linked at Moments of Hope.

21 thoughts on “Love Yourself as Much as You Love Your Hair

Add yours

  1. This is filled with truth. I’m not sure if I already said this to you or not, buuuut, going natural was one of the first steps I took to loving myself. Because I had no idea what my hair was going to look like, I’d decided I was going to be content with whatever grew out of my head because, well, it’s me and there’s nothing wrong with how I was made. From that point on, it’s just been self-love lesson after self-love lesson. So, in a way, I suppose going natural had the opposite effect for me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is self love lesson after self love lesson. I just have to learn to love myself differently. You are correct. You let go of expectations and embraced whatever came out of your scalp. I have not yet gotten to that freedom, but I am learning and trying to get that same freedom. Thank you for sharing. I don’t think you ever told me that.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am glad I read this post. The journey we have with our natural hair as black females is such a complex one. When I was a teenager my mum wouldn’t allow me to get a perm. I was the ONLY girl in school with natural hair and I hated it! I finally fell in love with my afro when I was 19 and never looked back. It’s liberating to be proud of who you are, as you are. Wishing you all the best in your journey. You’ll get there 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing this story. My son’s best friend was adopted from Ethiopia and here in ultra-white Maine, he has a struggle finding someone who knows what to do with his hair. I loved reading Amena Brown’s How to Fix a Broken Record because it also gave me some much needed insight into his dilemma.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very interesting post that has me thinking . For me, my weight is my biggest struggle and the condition of my teeth. I don’t know what else to do about the teeth at my age but I’m working on the weight thing. I’m working on accepting me even when I’m not at the weight I want to be at.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Overall health is always a work in progress for me. I am small so as of now I do not have to work hard to stay thin. My diet and exercise habits tend to reflect that so I am actually in the process of choosing healthier snacks and getting back to once a day short workouts.


  5. My feet is one of my self-acceptance, when I attended primary and secondary school children laughed at the way I walked,because my feet are somewhat bent (not as bad as it was when I was an infant). I have grown to accept my feet the way they are.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Our hair as black women is always a struggle especially in the society where you grow up. I was liberated in my early twenties when I realized that God created me in His image and likeness, so why am I trying to change myself! So I went natural and never looked back since and never had the desire to. Throughout the years I have seen all my friends struggled until they too were liberated one at a time by their own conviction and not by anyone influencing them. It is a work in progress. Just continue to love yourself and in time your hair will catch up. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this Beverly. I recently took my faux locs down and I liked my hair much better than I have in the past. Actually thought I oooked pretty leaving this house. Didn’t feel uncomfortable with the few, “are you gonna put your braids/locs back in?” underhanded questions. I’m getting there slowly but surely. More days that I like lately than those I don’t. Thanks for the words of encouragement. God certainly had a beautiful look in mind when He creates this hair of mine.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is a beautiful post! I feel like we all have certain aspects of ourselves that need a little more love, and your post is so encouraging in this. Something I’ve been working on is finding true confidence and beauty in myself. It’s been a long road of self-acceptance, and I feel like I’ve conquered the “acceptance” part, but have not fully delighted in the person God’s created me to be. Thanks for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awe! Thanks so much Sydney. I feel like my entire life is s constant work in progress. I like that thought – learning to delight in the person God created me to be. Someone mentioned in an unrelated post I just read, that part of showing the love that God so graciously offers us to love ourselves not just others. Really hit home for me. Not that I don’t love myself…I just need to be more accepting of the parts I hide behind…

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hmm…seeing as though I just fussed at a lawnmower for making me come out in the rain to get it I don’t know about the loving my hair thing. It’s okay. Some days it’s great and other days I’m ready to put a wig on it. I think right now I am just trying to love me, mistakes and all. Life is always a growing cycle on every level.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Create a website or blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: