I snapped, and I could not recover. I ran fresh out of patience before I could get out of the presence of people but after alone-time was no longer an option. My coping mechanisms ran their course, and I snapped.
I snapped, and I could not find a way to unsnap, to calm down, to take deep breaths, to walk away. Wherever I went, my anger followed. I tried it all – all the things that normally work, and none of them helped me regain my sanity. I tried replacing my thoughts. I tried throwing myself into the task at hand. I tried staring at my beautiful children. I tried laughing. I tried driving. I tried shopping…I ended up still mad.
And then I began to pray, and I tried the pleasantries – the “I know You are working this out,” the “increase my strength and patience,” the “I know this is what’s best.”
It was right about then that the pleasantries ran short. I threw them out the window and they lay side by side with my patience. It was right about then that I began to acknowledge my anger.
I was angry that my classroom suddenly began to “unsettle.” I was angry at the extra workload. I was angry at the people who I relied on to be there but left me in this alone. I was angry at the chaos that invaded my home. I was angry at the chaos that invaded my track. I was angry at the 5-year old boy who came and disrupted my normal. I was angry at people for intentionally attacking me. I was angry at people who showed me a side of themselves I had never before seen. (Their timing could not have been worse.) But most of all I was angry at God…I was angry at Him for allowing such a load to come into contact with two small shoulders.
…Yes, I understood…I understood that the students and I are at the same place. They see the light of summer the same way I do. They are as restless as I am. I understood that circumstances come up. Life comes up. Things change. Situations change. And when those things and those situations change, people change. They adapt. They adjust. They leave. They react. They cope…I understood that some people are really great people, and they only do the best they can…the same way I am only doing the best I can. I understood that other people are really just terrible people, and they want you to share in their misery. I understood that a 5-year old boy does not have any say so on the cards life deals him…I understood that God agrees to carry the load for me. I GOT IT!!
I get it.
But just because He agrees to carry the load does not mean I cannot feel the emotional effects that accompany it.
So I let myself be angry. And I cried tears of anger and complete defeat. And God listened. And He let me be angry. And He let me get it all out.
And then I felt amazingly calm – eerily calm, as thoughts spoke realities that I have now come to accept and will share.
1. It’s OK. It’s okay to be angry, or sad, or hurt, or overwhelmed, or aggravated. Feel how you need to feel. Accept your anger. Embrace your anger, but do NOT stay there. You need to heal. If you smother your emotions, you cannot deal with them. They will eventually surface. You have got to look them in the face. You are human. God is God. Give your human realities – the good, the bad, and the ugly – to your nonhuman God. He will replace them with amazing calm.
2. You are limited edition.** You are not imagining things. People will try to convince you that you are overreacting. People will tell you that life has not handpicked for you circumstances that are too much for you to handle. People are incorrect. You are not overreacting. You were absolutely handpicked to show people that life will give you more than you can handle. And yet everyday, here you are, handling it.
3. I am proud of you. You think that you are simply a mom – simply a teacher, a blogger, a wife. You feel like the life you live is ordinary. You are incorrect. You are anything but ordinary…My sister had a mother daughter tea with her organization WHYS Girls (shameless plug). My father attended the tea, and we participated in the activities, though they were not specifically catered to us. He had to answer the question, “What is one thing you would want her to know about you (that she doesn’t already)?” He answered, “That I am proud of her.” My daddy is proud of me. Not he was proud. Not he used to be proud of me. He is proud of me. Present tense. My daddy is proud of me. My Father is proud of me.
Your Father is proud of you.
What are your thoughts on what to do when you are coping with overwhelming emotions?
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**I received this shirt in a giveaway. All thoughts and opinions expressed herein are my own and not influenced by the developing company, and/or its affiliates in any way.
Linked at #HeartEncouragement