Flushing out Fear

Sometimes God addresses us in layers. He works with us bit by bit to make him more like Him.

I used to believe in the impossible. I’m not talking about as a kid either. I’m talking about in my 20s. I believed that anything could happen. I expected to look odds in the face and outright defy them.

As I glanced at tagged photo on Facebook, I smiled.  I fondly remembered that girl. The girl in that picture could do anything. She could be anyone.

Northwestern State University Track & Field Wall of fame now features former hurdler Brittany Littlejohn - school record holder and Southland Conference Record Holder.

Yet, somewhere along the way I got scared.  I blame 2017 for the final nail in the coffin. To say 2017 was rough is a gross underestimation.  It started out tough and ended disastrously. I will use the word nightmarish.  Yes, nightmarish will work just fine.

At the end of 2016, I gained a son who refused to accept, and consequently, constantly bucked our system of peace and harmony.  He created his own rules and ignored ours, turning my entire household and center of balance upside down.  Until one day, he finally stopped.  He finally began to adjust, and we were fine…and then my sister came and took him…the day we were supposed to get custody.

She changed her mind, and just like that, they were both gone. As much as I hate to admit it, things quickly returned to normal after almost a year of adjusting to him. My house was actually much more peaceful without him, and I thought to myself, “Finally I can enjoy the rest of my year.”

That was until I walked outside, and my car was not where we parked it the day before. This caused a spike in my blood pressure leading to subsequent doctor’s visits. The police found my car a few days later but no associated thief, and, again, I thought the worst of 2017 was behind me.

A few days after, my phone rang.  My sister had been murdered, and the police could not locate my son…the same son that turned my household upside down…the same son without which “life was much more peaceful…” the same sister I had not yet forgiven completely for taking our son back to live with her…

***

We found my son.  We brought him home, and he had completely changed.  As though God gently whispered in his ear, “It’s time to settle down.”

Or maybe I had completely changed.  I have no idea what it’s like to lose the woman who loves you more than anyone else in the world…to wake up on day and life has snatched her away.

I do, however, know how it is to be a mom.  If anything happens to me…I need whoever cares for my son…to love him as much as I do…to treat him the way they treat their own children…

***

Before the dust could settle, the thieves came back for the car.  I watched through the window as they drove off with my car because somewhere along the way they stole the valet key.

My husband chased them down.  We recovered the car and changed the locks.  Yet somehow, we lost another set of keys…and for weeks I worried that someone would walk into our house…or maybe we would wake up to two missing cars…or worse.

…My final words to 2017 were “good riddance.”  Sayonara!  Adios! I will not be seeing you soon!  I will not miss you.  I will not look back with warm regards.  I am out.  Buy bye!  Don’t come back.

I am a-ok with ordinary…

***

I thought I was fine.   Here we are, months later, no tragedies…just peaceful, regular life.

Then I noticed that I jump and run to the window every time I hear a loud noise outside because a loud noise is what made me look out the window and watch the thieves drive off with my car.  I am constantly ready for phone phone calls or meetings with devastating news.  I stopped singing, “Lord, I’m available to you.”  My prayers no longer say, “I’m ready for whatever you have, God. Bring it on!”

I am PETRIFIED!  I am not sure I can do 2017 again.  I need no repeats.  I need no encores.

I can hear God calling as I ignore Him in the distance, “Brittany, I have so much more for you to do.  You have odds to defy.  You can do anything.  You have mountains to move.”

Still I ignore.  Still I pretend He is not talking to me…because I cannot go there anymore. I cannot go back to that place.  It’s dark there.  People die there.  I’ll pass.

I am OK with ordinary.

“Fine,” He states matter-of-factly as though the conversation is over.  Then He takes a seat right next to where I am currently sitting.

I look over in disgust and ask sarcastically, “Why exactly are you sitting so close?”

He smiles and says, “Because you called me.  I’ll wait.  I’ve got all the time in the world.  As long as you will have me, I will be here.  Do not be afraid…(Lamentations 3:57)

“I have big plans for us Brittany, but you tote around all these layers, and right now we are flushing out fear.  I will send friends.  I will send family.  I will send pastors and preachers and bloggers and strangers and kids…

“And soon enough you will send fear packing the same way you sent out 2017 with a ‘good riddance’ and with a ‘don’t come back’…

“But until then I will wait and I will work.  We will overcome this thing.  We will overcome this thing together.  You just sit back and relax.  You let me do the fighting.”

Then He handed me this picture of this girl who was fearless as a reminder of who I was and who I will be again.

Northwestern State University Track & Field Wall of fame now features former hurdler Brittany Littlejohn - school record holder and Southland Conference Record Holder.

I watched as He began to clean out the corners, to rearrange, and to de-clutter. This time it was my turn to smile.

I picked up the book He has been asking me to read. I played with my children. I printed my Pinterest Bible verses and hung them all around my house. And I continued my lesson in obedience.

“The Lord will fight for you. You need only be still.”
Exodus 14:14

***

What are some ways that you flush out fear?

Comment below or connect with me on FacebookInstagramPinterest, or Snapchat: mrsbonnaffons.

Leave your e-mail below so you can receive more lessons in obedience straight to your inbox:

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,026 other followers

Linked at #MomentsofHope, Grace & Truth, and Salt & Light.

40 thoughts on “Flushing out Fear

Add yours

  1. I concur with how you felt about last year. I also had a rough year and I was glad it was over. But, thank God the trials dont last and He will give you periods of rest. During this time use it wisely to strengthen your mind and spirit in the word. It is hard to lose a love one and I pray that God will comfort and give you peace. Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. But look at how you’ve picked up and you’re pushing on! Fear happens, and is understandable after what you’ve gone through! But we can’t let it swallow our life. And Jesus is there ready to help us through whatever comes our way!
    Hugs 💗

    Liked by 2 people

  3. WOW!!! Your strength and courage are evident, but the courage it takes to acknowledge your fears as well is amazing. God’s patience, grace, and mercy are beyond anything we can understand. Trusting that despite the storms in life, that He is right there with us and has great things planned for us is so humbling.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. The Lord will fight for you. What a beautiful reminder. Thank you for sharing these hard, hard life circumstances you’ve gone through. God will use this to glorify His Name. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Your comment above to 21 flavors: “God reveals our deepest insecurities to us bit by bit even through our lack of action or thought processes. Trust and faith is all I really have left,” do I hear the theme of your next blog post?
    I understand that fear. I’ve been there. I didn’t want to surrender either, but I’m so glad He was patient with me and led me to the place where I finally did.
    I also remember a time before that when someone gave me a book by Lloyd Ogilve, something about 12 steps to living without fear, I think. I thought, that’s nice, but I’m not afraid. About a year later, I picked up the book and started reading it, and he started naming off some of the fears that I hadn’t even realized that I had. Yeah. Surprise! 🙂
    It’s been a journey, a long journey, because there are so many things to be afraid of when I look at the things to be afraid of instead of dwelling in His warm embrace. Dwelling there is the key.
    I also sometimes claim the authority we have in Jesus’ name to bind spirits of fear and unbelief in the name of Jesus, asking God that they be bound also in heaven. Then, as fear moves out, peace and faith move in.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Incredibly touching post, Brittany. God’s word to you that “you tote around all these layers” spoke to me so deeply as I am working to flush out fear too. Thanks so much for sharing your story so beautifully.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This post is beautiful just like you my friend. I have come a long way in the fear flushing business, but more work is needed. I often think the worst of situations and people. I work on this issue every day. At one point in my life I wouldn’t leave my house and last month I delivered a sermon at church. That’s real progress. After many years of struggles, I discovered God was the answer. He’s still working on me.

    One thing I know is that God uses the most broken of people. You don’t have to look far in the Bible to see evidence. I’m so sorry about the trials you have suffered through. I’ve never lost a sister and I’m thankful. I have had my car stolen and I’ve been robbed before. I had similar concerns about keys. Whether it’s abuse, robbery or murder, we are violated and suffer.

    I’m not an expert, but one thing that helps me is to help others. Also, be easy on yourself and give yourself some time.

    I will keep you in my prayers.

    Like

  8. What a year! Thanks for persevering in faith and coming through this hard time looking for deliverance in the only place it will happen!
    Our cliff hanger year was 2016, and I think I was changed by it as well. God heals the wounds, and the scars are our badge of honor and our reminder of His faithfulness.

    Like

  9. Wow! What a heart-wrenching and vulnerable post, Brittany! My prayers are with you–asking God to flush out your fears and keep them out for good! I’ve pinned this one for sure!

    Like

  10. Incredible writing about heart-wrenching circumstances. I love your perspectives on accepting things right where they are. I struggle with that. Seems so simple but so hard to do. Wonderful to learn more of your story and the beautiful person and writer behind it! Thank you for so often reading my blog and I hope to return the favor. All the best! Jennifer

    Like

  11. Wow, flushing out fear is scary in itself! My go to when fear is taking over my will, singing music to God, reading Scriptures, and sometimes just being quiet with Him and feeling His presence.

    Like

  12. 2016 was the year I couldn’t get away fast enough from. Tragedy and dissappointment breed fear in me. I want peace and calm. I am learning how to lean into God when fear is triggered because of the events of 2016. Thank you for the reminder that I am not alone in the struggle!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Brittany,

    This post resonated deep in my heart. We adopted our daughter – an absolutely adorable almost 5-year-old who had faced a great deal of ugliness before God brought her home to us. All 28 pounds of her turned our household upside down for the first 3 years. I can’t imagine your other losses and experiences though. My heart goes out to you. I am cheering you on along the sidelines and praying on your behalf!

    Thank you so much for joining me at #MomentsofHope ♥
    Lori

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Wow!! So powerful!! Thank you for sharing your experience/story and for being so transparent. We all need a reminder to trust The Lord and to remember to be still and that HE will fight our battles for us. Thanks again for sharing!!!!

    Like

  15. Wow, this was so inspiring! You have been so much it was only natural to become fearful with do many drastic changes! Surrendering my fears to God is one of the hardest things, but at the end the peace that comes with it is so worth it. It’s a human thing to fear but, I’ve learned that the perfect love casts out fear, so I embrace his love when I feel afraid! 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I enjoy reading this! God did not give us a spirit of fear…fear is a spirit as my pastor has taught us to not allow it any inroads by believing right about God’s love for us.

    Incidentally, I’ve been thinking about fear a lot these days because I want to write on the topic…particularly about fear of not being good enough. Hope I can get down to it.

    Like

    1. Thanks so much Suzan. I think I write my way through some of my feelings, especially on fear, and I learn more and more each day about myself. I absolutely encourage you to write through your fears. Another one I have is fear of missing out on something. Like if I say “no” when I was supposed to say “yes,” will I miss something that God had for me, someone I was supposed to meet, something that I was supposed to do…

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: