When You Don’t Know, You Don’t Know

I have spent a better half of the last two weeks overwhelmed and discouraged.  My outlook is still bright.  I enjoy my “me time.”  I enjoy my time with my children.  I definitely enjoy time with my husband and family, but I still feel a little lost, a little like I am drowning, a little like I did not sign up for this.

My current favorite song is, “Mary Did You Know?” – the Pentatonix version.  I LOVE good music, and I LOVE acapella.  And Pentatonix nails both categories for me. That song specifically, I can listen to over and over, and I never get tired of hearing it.  On my way home from work today, I understood why…I can relate.

Now, I will start by admitting, I AM NO MARY.  (I know, huh?  Shocker!!)  But I recently read a status from one of my favorite people in the world that said, “Yes she knew the angel told her so.”  I agree.  I believe in angels and messages straight from the throne of God, but I do not believe she fully understood what she was about to do.  And that is what I love about the song.

My guess is that Mary was a regular person living regular life when an angel came and gave her a message that changed her world.  And she was excited at first, but she did not fully understand at the time what was happening.  My guess was that she told God, “Yes.  Absolutely.  I am ready.  And I am honored.”  But she had no idea what she really signed up for, and that is why I love it.  All of it.  Start to finish.  Every word.  Beginning to end.  Because that is me.  That is the life I live. That is my every day.

He picked out my husband.  He said, “Brittany, there he is.”  And I was STOKED!  Oh my goodness!!  I get to get married to a gorgeous man, who loves me more than life itself.  I get to spend day in and day out with the love of my life for the rest of my life.  I mean, life cannot get better than this…

And the love of my life introduces me my career, and here, life begins to take a turn…not for better or worse, just different.  I can hear God clearly.  “I need you to lead the children.”  And I am confused, because how can I lead children, when I can hardly lead myself? …  And He firmly states, “I never asked you to lead yourself.  I asked you to lead the children.”  So 100% of my day, from the time I wake up in the morning, until the time my head hits the pillow at night is spend in the presence of children.

The more I adopt them into my world, the harder the cases He sends.  And only then do I go back and say, “I am not sure I am cut out for this.  I am not sure I can handle this responsibility.  I mean, I know I said yes, but I am out of energy.  I am overwhelmed.  I am discouraged.  I cannot raise your children.”

And He laughs.  And He says, “It is too late.  Remember the day you prayed the prayer.  Remember you told me you wanted it all. Well, here it is.  I am giving it all to you.”  And He hand delivered a child into my household, disrupting my normal, creating the ever pervasive “new normal.”

More discouragement.  More overwhelmed.  And just when I thought life was too much, when I wanted to return my classes to sender, when I wanted to return my child to sender, I heard the beautiful words and beautiful melody of an ever familiar song.  And I am here to relay to you what God relayed to me about biting off more than you can chew after God hands you an assignment beyond your comprehension or ability to complete:

1.  Your assignment has come to make you new.  “Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?” (Source)  Sometimes, you are stuck in your comfort zone.  You are stuck with what you know, people you know, processes you know.  Your assignment pushes you to the unknown.  It breaks you out of the monotony.  It creates a beautiful version of yourself that you never knew existed.  You have become content.  You have become complacent.  The world needs neither. The world needs the best version you have to offer.  Your assignment created just that.
2. Your assignment will save you.  “That child that you’ve delivered will soon deliver you.” (Source) You asked Him to save you.  You told Him to do whatever it takes.  You refused to let Him go until He blessed you…So He, in turn, sent you an assignment.  The questions are much harder than you imagined.  The stakes much higher than you thought.  You stood completely unprepared.  And He did not care.  He saved you in spite of you.  He used your assignment to get the job done.  You needed every  child.  You needed every moment.  You needed every person that crossed your path.  You needed every experience.  Each and every second made you into the person you needed to be to survive.
3. He can do anything.  “This sleeping child you’re holding is the great I am” (Source). Sometimes you need a little reminder.  Here it is:  God can do the impossible.  No elaboration necessary.

One of my favorite commercials is the Ball Park Franks Commercial.  The guy in the commercial is 99.999% sure his information is correct.  His friends response, “When you don’t know, you don’t know.”

How accurate does this phrase depict life.  Just when I think I have an inkling that I am walking in the right direction, life throws me a curve ball which makes me rethink every decision I made along the way.  Yet, every step I made in faith and prayer is a step in the right direction.  And, no I do not know.  I have NO IDEA what God is up to at times.

But if anything, even one thing I do, can “kiss the face of God,” then that is more than enough.

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