“I’m not talking to God today.”
I remember watching her tell me all the reasons she was not talking to God. I remember sympathizing with her. I remember thinking that perhaps if I lived her life, walked a day in her shoes, I would not talk to God either. I remember that I passed no judgement, even though every fiber of my body said that I should. I could not guarantee that maybe if I fell on hard times, could not see my way out of my circumstances, then maybe I would stop talking to God too.
And today I got angry with God. This time my anger had nothing to do with me. I was angry for my son. He could not tell me what color the cup was. At least twenty times I asked him. At least twenty times I told him the cup was purple. At least twenty times, he could not tell me what color the cup was five minutes later, or two minutes later, or one minute later. Somewhere, in the middle of dinner, I started shouting at God in my mind. “Goodness gracious. Just tell him what color the cup is!!! Why is this fair? Why can’t he remember? I just asked him. Please help him remember what color the cup is.”
The two or three times he remembered, I danced and shouted and high-fived. I hoped that perhaps my energy and enthusiasm would help him remember when I asked him again. Again, minutes later, he could not tell me what color the cup was.
I never tried to confuse him. I never tried to step things up a notch. I never went on to a different colored cup or a different purple item. I worked on rote memorization. Just do the same problem again son. Just tell me the answer to the problem I just answered for you. Same question, different wrong answer.
I laughed before I cried. I told my husband that God has a sense of humor. He could not very well allow two intelligent human beings to marry each other, create intelligent children and live in their own oblivious world. He could not let two educators who eat, sleep, and breathe their careers spend their lives outside of the school with children who look and act almost nothing like the students they teach.
And my husband told me to stop it. He said I was being mean, but I was so angry. I just wanted to know that he could get it. I just wanted him to tell me that if nothing else, that cup…his cup was purple.
And he could not tell me…
It was then that the tears came. It was then that my heart broke. It was at that moment I made my first resolution of the new year.
I resolved to do anything…everything to give him a fair chance.
Only then did God begin to speak:
“Remember when you told me you would do anything, Brittany. It was not too long ago. You were scared to death even after you said it. You knew that ‘anything’ would be much more than you could ever handle alone. But you said it anyway, and you meant it. So, here we are.
You and your husband are used to my blessings. You are used to defying odds in the classroom, on the track, on the football field. Neither of you are surprised when others tell you how smart your son is or how beautiful and entertaining your daughter is. You know it. You know Me. You have come to expect that I will come through just because you asked.
But you forgot that I can do ANYTHING. And when I say ANYTHING. I mean ANYTHING.
You need a miracle. You need him to overcome a deck stacked against him. You recognize the odds are not in his favor. That is precisely why I sent him to you two to raise.
You both believe in miracles. You both ignore stacked decks. You both look odds in the face and laugh. You both know if anyone can hand deliver a miracle. I can hand deliver and miracle, and I will do it just for you. I sent him to you so that you two could give him a chance.”
Everyone deserves a chance.
My anger subsided…I made a resolution, and I stopped talking to God…I redirected my glare at the situation and let God talk for me. If He can talk to water, He can talk to a situation…
I read somewhere that only 8% of New Year’s Resolutions end in the intended results. 8%. In some people’s minds, that means the other 92% of people failed. That statistic, however, ignores a different statistic. I read in similar articles that 46% of people follow through with their new year’s resolutions. (Please, professors, do not hate me for not citing sources but you guys can google if needed)…They just do not always end in the intended results. You know what that means? That means that almost half of people make their lives “better” as a result of a resolution. No, they do not wok out 5 days a week, but they exercise 3 or 4 days. No, they do not read one book a month, but they start reading one book a quarter up from zero books the previous year. No, they do not blog twice a week, but they consistently blog once a week up from twice a month last year. They do not finish and publish the book, but they start the book.
And those are chances I am willing to take.
I did not have date night every week, but I had date night 2-3 times a month up from 2-3 times a year the previous 7 years of my marriage. I did not get “me time” every day but I got it three or four days a week up from three or four days a month since I became a mother.
I will take those odds all day every day.
Make your resolutions. Or goals. Or intentions. Keep your habits. Someone else needs to see you succeed. Someone else has a life that depends on you.
Do not let others ideas of failure become your own.
“Now, son, what color is the cup?”
I have heard some of your resolutions. Do you have one that sticks out bigger than the rest? Do you have one that directly affects those you love?
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